Managing Anger

Published by Nitin Shah [nitin_shah] on 2008/11/1 (353 reads)

Everyone feels angry sometimes. Anger is a normal response to feeling threatened or frustrated. However, if its not well managed, it becomes a problem, threatening your career, your relationship and every aspect of your life.

To manage excessive anger, you need to learn how to express your feelings in a healthier way so that anger becomes a helpful, controlled reaction to those everyday frustrations.

What is an Anger Problem?

Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity, ranging from mild irritation to violent rage. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by changes in the body, including increased adrenaline levels and faster heartbeat.

Some people are able to express their anger in a controlled and constructive way. But others lash out in an aggressive, uncontrolled way, either immediately or after letting their feelings build up. This can lead to intimidating, violent or bullying behaviour which endangers other people, property. Anger can even lead to self-harm.

If you feel your anger is out of control, and is affecting your relationships and quality of life, you may benefit from addressing the way in which you handle your angry feelings.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES/METHODS

Helping yourself
There are a number of ways which people use to deal with anger. You need to deal with angry feelings and find better ways to express yourself. For some people, it can help to gain insight into why they get so angry.
Calm down
If you feel yourself getting angry, don't let it build up until you have a violent outburst. Try breathing deeply from your diaphragm in long, slow breaths, giving your heartbeat a chance to slow down. As you breathe, imagine a strong core inside you. Repeat a word such as "relax" or "calm" as you breathe.
Then give yourself time to think. Get out of the situation if you need to, and find someone to talk things over with, who will help you to calm down. Try and think logically about the cause of your anger. Consider if there is a misunderstanding or if you are really angry about this or something else such as financial or personal problems.
Learn to express yourself calmly
Try to express angry feelings in an assertive manner, using calm, logical words rather than violence.
If you are having, or expecting, a heated discussion, keep the following in mind:
1. Slow down think carefully about what you want to say
2. Try to think about what is underlying the anger
3. Be clear about what you are asking and how it can be achieved. Try using phrases like "I feel angry with you because..."
4. Listen carefully to the other person, remembering that everyone is entitled to their own opinion
5. Keep your cool in the face of your own and the other person's anger
6. You may feel offended if you are being criticized. Try not to be put off by this and keep going
7. Be patient and ask questions to get to the heart of problem
8. Try to be carefully assertive, rather than sarcastic or aggressive.
Understand your anger
People who are angry and aggressive need to take responsibility for their actions blaming others is not helpful. However, a look at the past may help you to understand your current angry behaviour. For example, if your parents or influential family members set bad examples and resolved conflicts aggressively, you may not have learnt to deal with anger constructively. Think about the anger patterns you have learnt and how you can change them.
Make lifestyle changes
Some aspects of our lifestyle can worsen angry feelings. By making small changes you can reap great benefits:
1. Regular exercise can help to prevent the accumulation of tension and can also give you regular time away from everyday stresses
2. Relaxation exercises such as yoga and meditation will also help to release tension in a controlled, healthy way. You can find out more from your GP or local library
3. Try to keep your alcohol intake within the daily recommended intake of 2-3 units for women and 3-4 units for men. Alcohol lowers your inhibitions, which can trigger violent behaviour
4. Change your environment, finding alternatives for situations which add stress to your life, and scheduling in time to relax and unwind
5. Learn to express your feelings, either by talking to a friend or by venting feelings in other ways, perhaps creatively through painting or writing.
Seeking help for an anger problem
Some people need more help to address their anger problem. Professional services can help to improve anger management.
Assertiveness training
Assertiveness training teaches people how to express their feelings and needs in a calm, considered way that is respectful of the other person. It may help where the problem concerns a difficulty with expressing anger constructively. Be careful not to choose any book or course aimed at enabling timid people to get in touch with their anger. This is not your problem!
Counseling
Counseling can help you to look at the thinking and behaviours associated with your anger. There are many types of counseling you should tell a prospective counselor that you wish to look at anger management, and ask them about their approach.
Anger management program
This is a more focused program designed for people whove had a single violent episode or whove been violent in the past and now feel able to make changes. Programs can be one-day/weekend courses or can last for up to eight weeks. They can involve some one-to-one sessions and some group.

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