It's about to crack open again: That square on the calendar that says Jan. 1.
It's that brief, tiny window of opportunity to forge a better self.
We line up at this portal, armed with New Year's resolutions: lose weight, spend less, spend more time with our children, be less critical of our in-laws.
Not long after the turn of the year, the gyms fill up with new faces. Self-help books and organizational planners disappear from store shelves. Desserts are renounced, pledges taken. America, a country founded on reinventing the self, is off to the races.
The trouble, experts say, is that most people sprint, running out of steam not long before Valentine's Day. Instituting real, lasting change is more like a marathon.
"We put a lot of pressure on ourselves on Dec. 31," says professional speaker Jeff Tobe, whose Trafford-based business, Coloring Outside the Lines, assists corporations in motivating their employees. "I think we should be putting pressure on ourselves all the time. Goal-setting is a living, breathing personal document. It shouldn't be saved for one day."
Our culture's quick-fix mentality frequently trumps the best intentions, he says.
"That's the environment we live in," he says. "We're so used to getting things now.
"From Baby Boomers on down, ... we're just so used to quick turnarounds on anything. 'Look, it's time to shop.' We go online, 'Do you want it regular shipping or overnight?' The concept of having this gift here tomorrow is just amazing to me. I know that sounds silly, but I equate that with everything in our lives. It's permeated our goal-setting and everything else."
Most people set themselves up to fail by making resolutions that are unrealistic, Tobe says. In his talks, he counsels people to approach goal-setting by remembering the acronym SMART: Goals must be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time-sensitive.
" 'I want to lose weight' is not specific," he says. " 'I want to lose 30 pounds' is very specific."
The notion that people fear change is a misnomer, he says.
"We're used to change. Seasons change. Our kids change. I don't think we're afraid to change. I tell organizations all the time: 'Your employees aren't afraid of change, they're afraid of the speed of which they're asked to change.'"
Another myth is that people become "set in their ways" as they grow older, says Harold Hartger, director of Mental Health Rehabilitation at Mercy Behavioral Health, Uptown.
"There's no time when people stop changing," Hartger says. "You see older people making changes all the time. My parents are 89 years old now. Four years ago, they moved into a retirement home. My mother wasn't' happy about it.
"Last weekend, when I was there, she said 'Don't you think this is really nice place for us to be?' "
In two years, Anna Lisa Houghwout of White Oak became a vegetarian, lost 23 pounds and bought her own business. She didn't need self-help books, motivational speakers or life coaches.
She only need to be scared straight by her doctor. In 2005, her doctor informed her that her cholesterol was a life-threatening 375.
"The doctor said, 'What do you want to do, die this month?' " she says.
Faced with the prospect of taking pills to control her cholesterol, she instead opted to follow the example of her sister, a vegetarian.
"I'm a terrible pill-taker," says Houghwout, who found it relatively easy to cut meat from her diet. Her doctor's ominous diagnosis was all the motivation she needed.
One day in White Oak, she walked past Curves, a women's fitness chain. She saw a help-wanted sign in the window.
"I figured I'd get paid to exercise," she says.
She worked in the Monroeville branch for a while and was eventually transferred to the North Versailles location, where she worked as a "fitness tech."
She bought the business in March.
Like many gym owners, she sees membership spike in January. The surge usually lasts for about two-and-a-half months. The third month sometimes is referred to as the "over-the-hump month," she says. If a person can stick it out through that month, their chances for success increase.
Another misconception is that making the same resolutions year after year signifies a lack of success.
Tracy Milai of Shaler, who performs with the Amish Monkeys, an eight-member improvisational troupe, had always wanted to act, despite her innate shyness.
"Even my parents were shy people, so I was cursed," she jokes, laughing.
Shyness in actors is not uncommon, she says. She blames her fear of trying on her critical inner voice that told her she couldn't act.
"I had come to the conclusion that it wasn't going to work out," she says.
At Duquesne University, her interest in acting led her to attend a meeting of the on-campus theater company, the Red Masquers. But she was so intimidated by the group and their obvious camaraderie that she left early.
It was only after she graduated that she found the courage to apply for an apprenticeship at the Berkshire Theater Festival, a summer program in Massachusetts. She was accepted. There, she met Academy Award-winners Joanne Woodward and Dianne Wiest.
What finally enabled her change, she says, was her fear of growing old without having given acting a shot.
"That was the now-or-never time," says Milai, who will perform two shows with Amish Monkeys on Monday during First Night festivities, Downtown.
Having the same resolutions every year is not necessarily a bad thing.
"I think people tend to have the same resolutions over time because what they hope to achieve is not necessarily achieved in that year," says Robert Lowenstein, a psychiatrist and medical director of Community Psychiatric Centers which have offices in East Liberty, Greensburg, New Kensington and other locations.
"But it's certainly a positive thing to continue to have resolutions," he says. "For example, 'I will spend more time with my children' is positive. It's a positive step and it needs to be done over and over again ...
"Just because it's not entirely accomplished in one year doesn't mean it shouldn't continue to be on the agenda."
Get motivated
"Start off with a short plan, a specific plan, a plan that you can be successful at and build on. You have to take almost baby steps. ... My goal was to exercise every day. I have to leave myself off the hook and say I will exercise every other day."
-- Kathleen Shirey, licensed marriage and family therapist, Greensburg
"Old habits are hard to break. When (people) don't plan new strategies to break those habits, they go right back to (them)."
-- Anna Lisa Houghwout, owner of Curves, a woman's fitness center, North Versailles
"Whether it's to lose weight, whether it's to stop biting my fingernails, I've got to become very conscious of it until it becomes unconscious. ... That's what change is about. It's making those behavioral changes and doing them routinely and on purpose so that they become habit."
-- Jeff Tobe, professional speaker, author and owner of Coloring Outside the Lines, Trafford
"I think obstacles to change can involve not only ambivalence, but the degree of support the person has from other people, their ability to persevere through adversity, the clarity of what they want to change. ... What they need to change needs to be doable. They need to have the resources and support to do it."
-- Robert Lowenstein, psychiatrist and medical director of Community Psychiatric Centers which have offices in East Liberty, Greensburg, New Kensington and other locations
"From a therapy standpoint, if you're trying to get people to change and they're not ready to, you're kind of wasting your time."
-- Harold Hartger, director of Mental Health Rehabilitation at Mercy Behavioral Health, Uptown
William Loeffler can be reached at wloeffler@tribweb.com or 412-320-7986.
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