Recovering alcoholic intent on not 'wasting' second chance

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Articles > Vices Management > Others > Recovering alcoholic intent on not 'wasting' second chance

Published by Nitin_shah on 2007/12/30 (121 reads)

Claiming that no matter what happens, Shane May knows that he is doing the best he can to be the best person that he can.

"My life is no longer about me; it's about what I can do for others. Period. I've been blessed with an opportunity to grow and to serve," said May, a recovering alcoholic who has been sober for 19 months. "By all rights, I shouldn't even be here right now. I should be either institutionalized or buried, but I've been granted a second chance. And I guess the big change is that I see that now and have no intention of wasting it."

Although forward momentum is not always easy when finding a new path, regrets can only cause you to stand still, and learning by letting go keeps May on a healthier track to positive thinking.

"Holding regrets changes absolutely nothing," he said. "There's little if anything I can do for what's been done, and regret will kill an alcoholic/addict like me. But letting go and moving forward isn't all that easy. I mean, letting go and surrendering my will and my life over to the care of God is great in theory, but put to practical use, is, in my opinion, a learned skill. There are things that break my heart over and over again; that keep me up at night. How do I take these things from inside of me?"

As he continues to become the man he wants to be, May is learning not only to live, but also live well. He trusts that a place and a plan exist by taking these necessary steps and his regrets from yesterday will eventually fade.

"What it comes down to is that if I'm doing my best today to be the person I long to be I'm allowed to let the pains of the past go," he said. "A fellow alcoholic once said, 'I can't think my way to better living, but I can live my way to better thinking.'"

Although sometimes doubt creeps in, friends and faith keep May grounded.

"I feel alone all the time. It doesn't matter what the situation. But I have a lifeline of friends. I have a sponsor who guides me through these living steps; who assures me, when I need it, that I'm not defective and that I'm in a life-and-death struggle," May said. "Today, I'm alive, and I'm grateful for that. I'm sober and that's a miracle, plain and simple, and no one can take that away from me. I've made a couple of friends in the last year or so who would do almost anything for me. And they have. I have people from my past who seem to never give up on me and they have been invaluable."

May says his strength comes from faith in a higher power.

"I took an oath of honesty and kindness; I accepted that my life is no longer about me; that I am no longer in control," he said. "With faith and acceptance comes serenity... sometimes ... progress not perfection. I cannot live a full life if I'm using. It's not possible. And even though life seems nowhere near full at the moment, I have to have faith that I'm doing the right thing and that someday something is going to give and it will all have been worth while."

Not quite certain what the future holds for him, May is anxious to finish schooling at Riverland and transfer to the University of Iowa where he can focus on playwriting.

"I've been cast in "Of Mice and Men" at Riverland," he said. "I'm excited for that. George has been a dream role of mine. Theatre has always been the one thing I ever did right. The only thing more important to me than theater is my sobriety and that's how it must be. I like to skateboard, but I'm really bad at it and it hurts to be bad at skateboarding. I don't know -- I don't feel like I have time for a hobby right now. Living is sort of preoccupying me at the moment."

Understanding that drinking is not the answer, May looks forward to the new year with hope.

"I've found a new solution. I work these steps that help me treat others kindly and from my heart ... there's a hole in my soul and I'm addicted to anything that will distract me from that ache," he said. "Now, I ask God to fill that hole and work through that ache so that I may one day be a real human being."

Source: Click Here By Suzie Stier-Waletzki

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